The Rules of Hogwarts
by DoubleDreaming
Summary: So, you're telling me these people think they can do magic. You also want me to think that I can too. So if i want to go to Hoggy-what's-it with my flying chicken what then? You never said I couldn't be kicked out. What do you mean it's called an owl?
1. Chapter 1

**Alright, this is the only disclaimer I will do. I OWN NOTHING!**

**This is the movie version because I have all of the lines memorized and the fact I lost my books doesn't help.**

**I have looked up all versions of 50 things 'Not to do at Hogwarts' and 'I Am not allowed to do at Hogwarts'. Mostly I have friends send them to me. If any of them offend any one tell me and I will change it.**

**If you have claim to one of the phrases and it was accidentally put in I want to apologize, but for the sake of convenience I request that you notify me and allow me to give you credit instead of taking it out. But if you want it out, i will remove it.**

**I am using an OC that will NOT replace anyone or get the spot light. I'm am personally opposed to the ALL POWERFULL (sarcasm) 'Mary- sue'.**

**The profile of my OC is on my account. She is a klutz and a little ditzy at times. But usually utterly hopeless. I do not believe in powerful or perfect OCs so I want you guys to meet Riley.**

**This is a slightly different take on the OC going to Hogwarts. Read and find out.**

**My flash backs, unless super important are only the lines said. No people or actions, just what was said, important things are a full description.**

**~Dreaming!**

**But there are a few things you should know. Riley just doesn't get it!**

**Riley: What do you mean? And what is this 'it', I'm perfectly fine –**_**looks at Dreaming suspiciously**_**- do I want 'it', is 'it' shiny perhaps? **

**So now with out further ado:**

**The first chapter of The Rules of Hogwarts.**

**And even if it is a stupid title. It fits. Sadly.**


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, no I am not the smartest person in the world. As much as I don't want to admit it. But guess what! I just got the greatest news of my life because I'm Going to Hogwarts!

Did _anyone_ catch the sarcasm in that last sentence? Please someone tell me you did!

I'm happy where I am now, okay _sure_ my dad up rooted us from America and brought us all the way to England for seemingly no reason, but should I be mad. Probably, but I'm not.

And…… you don't know who I am do you? That just wasted forty second of both of our lives

My name is Riley. I'm about four foot three, I have short-ish light brown hair; it's just long enough to be pulled back, currently covered in seemingly random blue and purple streaks. I have green-brown eyes (it depends on the lighting), and well, fair-_ish_ skin, I'd be fine if I stopped running into things. I live with my dad, and little brother who is a little younger than me. We look a lot alike but his hair is shorter and doesn't have the streaks. We live with my dad since my mom died of cancer last year.

Mom dieing of cancer was the whole reason we moved out here, my dad grew up here in England. The place where they call 'cookies' biscuits, or is it the other way around?

But a week after we got here a flying chicken brought a letter saying I was old enough to go to a 'Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft and Wizardry', dad was thrilled. And I still had no clue as to what was going on. Until he took me into a bar, and some guy tapped the bricks making them peel back like a curtain.

My brother was thrilled, he thought it was the coolest thing ever, I thought I hit that tree with my bike a little too hard. But we went through all these freaky shops with weird names. Like Olive's. And then he bought me a black flying chicken, which are apparently called OWLS. And he paid with a bunch of funky gold coins, the kind you would see in a four hundred year old Spanish treasure chest.

So right now, four weeks after we moved here and I left everything behind, I'm getting on a train with a bunch of people who think they can do 'Magic', I think I'm going to stop lighting candles in my room, the fumes must be getting me. I even read through most of the books, okay skimmed, FINE I just looked at the pictures! HAPPY NOW! I also have slight ADHD.

So far I'm going to try to see if I can get sent back home, _without_ disappointing my dad.

Here's what I know.

Hogwarts – apparently it's an –super, extremely, _very-_ old castle that houses everything. Each "House" has its own castle turret that contains several dorms divided by year and gender. Apparently the castle is so large that very few people know the extent of hidden rooms and passage ways. There are also rumored hidden chambers and valuable artifacts.

Houses- there are four that I know about. Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, Gryffindor, and Slytherin. Each house takes in candidates based on their characteristics, goals, morals, actions and so on.

Slytherin- one of the lesser desirable and harder to get in houses. Slytherins pride themselves on being stuck-up, pureblooded, jerk-faced jerks with a stick shoved so far up their kissed-up, no good sorry fat a- my bad, I got carried away. To sum it up. This house no good.

Although i may be a _tiny, tiny_ but biased since I ran into a group of them, they turned my hair green. I hate green! And yes I do get the fact that I said I hated green in front of the house whose colors involve green.

Gryffindor- they pride themselves on having courage, bravery, confidence and the ability to stand up for their views. Gryffindors make very loyal friends. An unspoken favorite of Dumbledore.

Ravenclaw- Smart. Scary, yet super awesome smart. They are the brains and love to learn as much as they can. Don't ask them stupid questions.

Hufflepuff- There's nothing extremely special about this house but the people making up the house are caring and extremely loyal, although they don't tend to come out of their shells.

Dumbledore- Headmaster. Seems to know everything, possibly senile. But he has high praises.

Voldemort a.k.a You-Know-Who or He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named- ..................Jerk-face.

I have absolutely know idea what house I will be in –although being something called a "mud-blood" what ever the heck that means.- so no Slytherin for me- not like i'm going to miss it-. And I'm really not all that smart, nor do I like school, so probably not Ravenclaw. Leaving it down to two. Hufflepuff and Gryffindor, a huge jump. I would like to think that I could be courageous, _but_ I'd rather go where I'd get along with people and not attempt to do something like –I don't know- try to rip their throats out? That knocks out Slytherin twice. Darn......not.

But you know what. I think I'd rather pass this whole "Chance of a life time" off to someone else.

I want out.

I've got a list. and before anyone asks, I had help. A lot of this stuff I an reall unfamiliar with, so i got some help from a talking mirror in the attic. I know, it TALKS! how freakishly awsome is that.

**Things NOT to do in Hogwarts.**

1. No matter how well I can fake an Australian accent, I can not imitate the hero that is Steve Irwin in Care of Magical Creatures.

2.I am not aloud to bread a liger, no matter how cool they look.

marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not an 'extra credit project for Herbology.' And I can Not provide them to other 'students'

_ Or teachers._

4.I will not bring a Magic Eight or Date ball to Divination class.

to refer the Potions class room as the 'Kitchen Stadium'

_is _a reason the Forbidden Forest is forbidden. _I'm just planning to ignore why._

7.I will not ask the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is.

8.I will not offer to prepare tandoori owl_. Or chicken_.

9.I will not ask 'when we will learn to make "Love Potion Number Nine".'

Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.

_Now to find out what a Bludgers is.  
_

11."42″ is not the answer to every question to the O.W.L.'s.

_We will see._

12. I cannot Hadoken anything into oblivion.  
_find out what Hadoken is_

the Engorgio charm on certain parts of the human anatomy is not permitted on school grounds, not even for entertainment purposes.

_What does Engorg…got it._

14.I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class.

_Tempting, very tempting._

's do not find a sign saying "The library is closed for and indefinite time period" amusing in any sense.

_But I do._

16. I am not a member of the Spanish Inquisition.  
_Although…_

17. First-years should not be encouraged to befriend the Whomping Willow.

_I'm off to find a sucker._

18. Novelty or holiday themed ties are not to be worn with my school uniform.

_That will be easy.  
_

19.A wand is for magic only, it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or drumming on desks, no matter how bored I become.

_Is the wand that stick thing that I used to destroy Olive's shop? NO nose. That's gross. But what is Snooker? _

20. I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts: A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins.

_Why is there a rule about that? Dumbledore looks like Gandalf. I saw a picture!_

21. I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and take bets on who will come out alive.

_But I can bet on who doesn't come out conscious. _

22. I will not teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks.

_Yoda?_

23.I will not sing The Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch matches.

That's it so far, but tomorrow when I'm getting on that train. I'm going to start planning. I am going home and that is final. The studying has paid off, and I am going to see how many of these I can get away with before I get sent back home. I just hope my dad won't be too upset.

Plan 'Get Kicked Out of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and Complete the List Without Disappointing My Dad And Find a Shorter Name For This Bound to Fail Plan' is a go. And I'm going to find a shorter name.

Riley over and OUT!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So what do you think? Every few chapters there will be an updated list. I used Riley for another story, she's fun to write with. But there is a reason she gets everything wrong.

~Dreaming


	3. Chapter 3

"Bye honey, I love you." My dad had to almost shout to be heard over the roaring noise of people at the train station. People were everywhere, I believed dad called them 'Muggles', he did that back home too. We were all completely bundled up seeing as the weather was so much colder here than in the states

"I love you too dad, I'll be fine." I told him for the hundredth time. He bought me everything and the flying chicken, and now he wasn't sure if he wanted me to go. I mean, I want to see what it is, but I don't want to stay if you get my drift.

"Alright sweetie, I want you to have fun." He looked me in the eyes "And listen to the rules." I inwardly flinched, I kept that list with me at all times, he doesn't know about it, right?

He gave me a big hug and stepped back, my brother came up and wrapped his arms around me, and the brat was almost as tall as I am, "You are going to bring me back something cool? Right Riles?" he asked.

"Yes, Neil, I'll bring you something cool back, maybe another flying chicken! Like Midnight!" I had named my chicken Midnight because of the black feathers.

He pulled back with an aggravated twitch in his eye, "Riley, it's an owl not a chicken." I smiled sheepishly. And reached for the stupid trunk that was almost as big as me. I am a great packer, so I got everything to fit in the stupid trunk, the same one I used coming from the states, so being the lucky one I am, I just had to drag that along with my chi-er owl.

"I love you and remember to behave," My dad said one last time before he and my younger brother wrapped their jackets tighter around them and shrank back into the crowd.

Smiling to myself I reached into my pocket and pulled out my ticket. A decent sized slip of paper that had platform 9 ¾ printed on it. I was currently standing on plat form 9 there was no ¾ unless there was some trick to it. These 'Wizards' had tricks for everything.

Looking around I saw a set of brown haired twins take a running start at a brick column. I may not be the brightest kid but I knew that would hurt. But surprisingly enough the two fazed through the column! That must be how you get to the train! Taking a few large steps back, I took a running start at the column I was closest to.

It didn't work. My face nailed the brick work first, then I kind of bounced right off. And it hurt!

"Sonofa-" People turned to look, "Biscuit eating bulldog!" Standing up I lightly ran my fingers over my face. Nothing broken, but I had a few nice little cuts on my cheeks that were staring to bleed. I would really feel that in a few hours. Apologizing to Midnight. I straightened my stuff out and walked to the platform where the two girls entered. I had caught a quick glimpse of someone else entering the 'portal thing of evil' as I had dubbed it. Glancing around and seeing nobody looking specifically at me, I took off again at the column, this time I made it though. And tripped. Dropping my bag as I fell, Midnight was the only one to land right side up. Lucky chicken.

Looking up I saw the _Hogwarts Express _number 5972. Finally!

After making my way through the haggle that is loading baggage onto the train, I found a single empty compartment near the middle of the train. With enough room for four, possibly six, the place was nice. A green and blue-ish plaid cushioned seat on both sides, and a big window showing the English country side, I think. Am I even still in England? I mean everyone still has that funny accent, and it's called a COOKIE not a biscuit! But then again, I have lived in America these last nine years since my parents moved when I was two.

Wait, doesn't the train go through somewhere like Scotland?

I sat down and slid off my small messenger bag. The bag used to be tan, but since the whole ADHD thing and the fact I always have markers on hand, you can guess what happened. The seats were nice and comfy, so settling back I guessed it would be a while until we would be there. I mean someone would probably wake me up. With that settled I leaned my head over to the window on my right and promptly fell asleep.

"I'm sorry. Do you mind if I sit here?" My eyes fluttered open like a cinderblock with wings. Standing in the doorway, was a brown haired boy, with a pair of older clothes. His hair was a little shaggy, and the clothes a bit big, so I'm going to guess younger sibling.

"Nah, I don't mind, go ahead." I said while wiping my mouth incase I had been drooling, he sat down uncomfortably and adjusted his round wire rimmed glasses, "I'm Riley Jones." I added as an afterthought.

"Nice to meet yo-" he started but was interrupted.

"Excuse me do you mind?" We looked up to see a red headed boy, with only his head and arm leaning in the door, "Everywhere else is full."

"No, not at all." The brown haired boy said to the new one, this was the first time I had seen him smile, they must know each other.

Red looked over at me expectantly. "I don't have a problem with it." He slid in next to me so he was facing the other boy.

"I'm Ron by the way," He introduced himself to the both of us, "Ron Weasley."

"Nice to meet cha' I'm Riley." I gave a quick wave as the boy who had been here first started to speak.

"I'm Harry. Harry Potter." Harry finally introduced himself. Ron looked like he was in the presence of the gods themselves. Harry took a quick glance between the two of us before focusing on the amazed Ron. Heck, I didn't know who either of them were.

"So, So it's true." Ron said quietly, we both looked over expectantly at him, "I mean, do you really have the, the-" Ron started drawing a zigzag shape in the air.

"The what?" Harry asked, I was watching both of them.

Ron leaned into whisper, "The scar." Harry smiled.

"Oh, you mean this?" He lifter up his bangs to show the coolest tattoo I have ever seen. It was a purplish crooked 'Z' hat looked like…a…..scar. Oh!

"Wicked." Ron exclaimed. And to save us from an awkward conversation, at least on my part, a trolley covered in the strangest candies came by.

"Anything off the trolley, dears." The elderly woman asked.

Ron held up a bag of something, possibly muffins (I couldn't tell), "No thanks, I'm good."

He looked down disappointed. And Harry perked up before I could offer to share, I mean I don't like to see people upset.

"We'll take the lot!" He exclaimed, while pulling out a handful of the Spanish gold coins. I wonder what my chickens up to.

Awhile later Ron was smiling and naming off every kind of candy Harry had paid for, and wouldn't let me pay him back for what I had been offered. The tree of us were sitting there with the seats covered in candy. Ron even had a chocolate colored rat. Not to be confused with a chocolate _covered _rat, which I am yet to see.

"Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans?" Harry asked reading a strangely shaped box.

"They mean every flavor." Ron said putting something large in his mouth. I watched in rapt fascination as he packed it away. In the U.S everyone's so diet crazy they don't shove so much in their mouths, but he just kept going and going and going and going and I'll stop now.

"There's chocolate and peppermint, there's also… spinach, liver and, tripe." Ron named casually, I gagged and Harry cringed, Ron ate a little more before saying, "George swears he got a boogey flavored one once."

I looked at him questionably, "A boggy. Like a swamp?" I had trouble with the accents. I still sounded fully American. Apparently I'm not going to pick up the accent in time for school.

"No, like" he toughed his nose.

"OHHH-EWWW." I cringed. Harry looked mildly amused at this.

"What's with the accent? I've been meaning to ask if you don't mind." Harry spoke up after he pulled one of the beans out of his mouth.

"I just moved here a month back from the States. They didn't have anything like you guy have here." I said putting something in my mouth that resembled an apple. I think.

"What do you mean?"

"Big Ben! That thing is cool, but you don't get to go to the top like at the Statue of liberty back home. And the food is different, and it's cold, like New York and Washington cold, with rain…" I trailed off.

The two nodded, it wasn't a very interesting subject when I told it. While eating. They must not have read a lot about the states so they lost interest pretty fast.

Harry picked up a pentagonal box with 'Chocolate Frogs' in pretty script.

"They aren't real frogs. Are they?" he asked.

Ron looked up, "It's just a spell, besides it's the cards you want," ugg another boy thing, "Each card has a famous witch or wizard. I've got about five hundred with me still."

Harry opened up the box and I leaned forward to see, I was a little afraid to open a few of these. They didn't look right. As he opened it up a little brown frog was _moving_ on top of a card in the shape of the box. The little thing started to climb away by jumping on the window.

"Watch it," Ron warned, the frog climbed to the rim of the open window and jumped, "Aw, that's rotten luck, they only have one good jump in them to begin with."

"Do they come in crunchy?" I asked watching where the little sucker was ripped away by the wind. I picked up another one of the frog things and held it in front of my face, cracking open the box I peeked in and squealed when the little sucker jumped out of the box and right into my mouth, where it proceeded to squirm for a few seconds before becoming _normal_-ish chocolate.

**Lesson number one: Do not stick face in box of movable chocolate.**

"No I don't believe so." Harry answered, opening the box back up.

Ron looked at me weird before asking Harry which card he got.

**Lesson number two: Chocolate Frogs do not come in crunchy.**

"I've got Dumbledore." Harry proclaimed happily, and to which Ron responded, "I've got about six of him." Harry looked up and back down at the card.

"Hey he's gone!"

"Well you can't expect him to lay around all day, can you?" Ron said, then petted the rat still eating in his lap, "This is Scabbers by the way, pathetic isn't he?"

"Just a little bit." Harry said, I nodded sheepishly.

"Fred gave me a spell as to turn him yellow. Want to see?" Ron asked as he pulled out a stick a bit longer than the one my dad bought at Olive's.

"Yeah!" Both of us proclaimed at the same time.

Ron cleared he throat and began "sun-"

But was interrupted as I girl with kinda puffy brown hair stood in the doorway, she sighed, "Has anyone seen a toad, a boy named Neville lost one."

"No" Ron said shrugging.

"Oh are you doing magic, let's seen then."

"Sunshine, daisies, butter, mellow, turn this stupid fat rat yellow." Ron chanted, and cast it. It didn't work.

"Are you sure that's a real spell? Well it's not very good is it." She said. I got the impression of 'fun sucker' but I can't judge people by the first thing out of their mouths, if that always happened I'd be judged as an idiot. Ron did the '_what's up with her?'_ eyes and I suppressed a laugh as a cough.

"Of course I've even tried a few simple ones and they even worked for me, for example." She pulled out her wand in a very ofical manner and walked over to Harry, "_repairo." _the tape on his glasses disappeared. He pulled them off to examine them in disbelief, "That's better isn't it? Holy crickets your Harry Potter! I'm Hermione Granger, you are?" she looked at me.

"Riley, nice to meet you." I smiled tensely, I'm not going to judge her. I will get to know her then judge. Equal chances for all. Who am I kidding; this isn't going to go well is it?

She nodded and turned to Ron who was stuffing his face, "and you are." She sounded pretty displeased, like she was only doing it because of manners.

"Ron Weasley." He said, and she quickly turned back to Harry.

"Well you three better get in your robes I expect we'll be arriving soon." She stood up and walked out, only to step back and look at Ron, "You've got dirt on your nose by the way. Did you know. Just there." Ron rubbed the side of his nose and Hermione turned and walked away.

After an awkward situation with the robes where I found the nearest bathroom to change in, which was not the most pleasant thing in the world. But I wasn't going to change in front of guys. Plus I had a little experience changing clothes in tight spots. I managed to get back just as those two were done, that's about when we sorted out what was trash, Scabbers, and edible. Reminds me of earlier….

Thankfully around dusk the train came to a stop, at where ever we got off. My sugar high had worn off and I was falling asleep on my feet. They herded us off the train like cattle. Where an extremely large man, and I don't mean that to be rude, he was huge! It was cool! You know what; I might not mind this for a few weeks.

"All rig't then. First years this way please. Come on now first years don't be shy." he called waving us over. I was the shortest of everyone there, so not fair.

Harry and Ron were looking around amazed; I was a little busy picking something sticky out of my hair to notice everything. But Harry seemed to know the huge man.

He walked right up and was greeted, "'ellow Harry."

"Hey Hagrid." While Ron responded with the typical 'whoa'.

"'ight then. This way to the boats follow me t'en." Hagrid called to everybody standing around him.

The boats were so cool! Alright, I wasn't expecting much, when they loaded us up. But when we got out onto the water it was amazing!

You could see the thing silhouetted in some parts but the reflected lights looked like they were dancing in the water. Every now and then there was a dark shape under the surface, turns out you aren't supposed to touch it. I didn't try, the kid next to me did. The castle looked amazing perched on top of the rocks, but it was huge! I really wouldn't mind staying long enough to explore, and if I'm getting kicked out anyway, restricted doesn't apply to me! Unless it will get me killed, then it goes double.

Slowly we sailed over just getting the full view of the castle. It was huge. I might not mind a few weeks here. I mean the place was immense.

They got us off the boats and into the castle. It was a little cold; I guess that explains the itchy wool uniforms, I'm sorry, robes. Sill after three flights of the _marble_ stairs I was ready to get in the boat and go back home. But at the top of the stairs, right before a large door – I mean HUGE! - Stood and older lady in a cliché pointed hat and black 'flowing' robe cape thing.

She quickly cleared her throat and began a practiced introduction.

"Welcome to Hogwarts," she spoke quickly, "Now, in a few moments you will pass through these doors and join your classmates. But before you take your seats you must be sorted into your houses. They are Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin. Now, when you are here your house will be like your family. Your triumphs will earn you points, any rule breaking and you will lose points. At the end of the year the house with the most points will be awarded the house cup." Then there was the 'Trevor the frog.' Incident. "Sorting ceremony will begin momentarily."

**Lesson number three: The houses are not the 'Morons', the 'Borons', the 'Smart asses' and the 'Junior Death-eaters'. **

After she walked off, a blond hair blue-eyes boy walked up to Harry. I have dubbed him 'Rat Boy'. Forget first impressions, I don't like him. I got a little distracted and apparently missed a whole 'I am better than everyone here, join me or be spit on. Or was it spited?'

After he introduced himself as 'Draco Malfoy' and told Harry that he made friends with the 'wrong company', I have newly dubbed him Draco 'Rat-Boy' I find it fitting. Now if only I hadn't voiced that out loud…

My explanation for everything currently, 'I'm American.'

**Lesson number four: Draco Malfoy does not like to be called 'Draco Rat-boy'**

Hermione was listing off facts about the Hall; I found it kind of cool. I might just get along with her. She new a lot about the school she must have read the books where I just looked at the pictures.

Dumbledore, the guy with the long white hair and cool robes, made several announcements, the one I'm most interested in, 'the dark forest is strictly forbidden to all students.' Research first, and then rule breaking. My goal is to go home, not get killed. There must be a reason it's called the _dark_ forest, and I doubt it has much to do with the lighting.

**Lesson number five: Dumbledore is not Gandalf**

Then the 'caretaker' Mr. Filch, and the cat, were introduced, then something about dying a painful death. Okay, forest is out of the question, not going.

**Lesson number six: There is a reason the **_**forbidden **_**forest is forbidden.**

Then the sorting started.

Hermione was up first, I felt sorry for her. I never like getting up in front of people. And the hall was filled with hundreds of them. But when she was assigned to Gryffindor, her face lit up.

I was not looking forward to this…

I sat down on the stool and the hat was set on my head. I looked like an idiot when it fell down way past my eyes.

The hat didn't like being told it smelled funny.

The hat was IN my head, the little sucker knew about the list! It laughed about the list! After the quiet 'twisted but not dark' statement, that I think about a hundred people heard, I was the 'crazy American girl' great, just great.

I think for its twisted amusement I was sent to one of the strangest tables. Apparently I would corrupt the Hufflepuffs, annoy the Ravenclaws, and my plan to kill approximately five of the Slytherins was not a good thing (not to mention I am not "_of their standards_"). I was off to a great start. Sarcasm people!

After being warned _out loud_ that I was not to do what I was planning to do to 'Rat-boy'. My amusement for the day kinda dissolved. I was a force to be reckoned with, and I would get Rat-Boy for the comment earlier.

But a certain _someone _found it amusing when I was placed at the Gryffindor table, with the three friends/acquaintances who gave me a little room when my grumbling started.

I shot a raised eyebrow in Dumbledore's direction, but I couldn't help but chuckle at his amused smile. After I was deemed mentally sane by the table, well after I stopped laughing, I got to meet everyone. Apparently Ron had a bunch of other siblings. I've heard Gorge and Fred mentioned, but I'm not sure which is which. Then I met Percy, he seems interesting. And Ron talked about his little sister Ginny who is a few months younger than Neil –my brother. But I don't understand the insults; Rat-boy seems to have a problem with anyone who doesn't obey his every command. The Weasleys aren't that bad, they act like boys, nothing wrong with that. Just don't eat anything they give you, especially if you confuse their names. That means the twins. Ron and Percy told me this; I'm going to trust them on it.

**Lesson number seven: Don't accept food from Weasley **_**twins**_**.**

I heard the words 'let the feast begin' and the table bloomed with food. Most of it I had only heard of, not gotten the courage to try it yet, I miss the greasy pizza and the roaches the size of housecats from back home.

I watched as Ron stuffed his face with a drumstick in each hand. I poked something, and seeing how it didn't move, I happily took a bite. Only to spit it out and have to start over.

Everyone had filed their plate long ago, when Ron reached over to grab something else and a _head _came out of a plate. Everyone else gave a startled gasp. I squealed and fell backwards.

Apparently the head was part of the ghost named Sir Nicolas. With a 'hello' and something about not being able to join the 'Headless hunt' he turned to leave.

"I know you! You're Nearly Headless Nick!" Ron exclaimed excitedly. Nearly headless, what have I gotten myself into?

"I prefer Sir Nicolas if you don't mind." The apparition corrected

"Nearly Headless? How can you be _nearly _headless?" Hermione asked in a tone that told me she had reverted back into 'fun sucker' mode. And she was just starting to be nice too!

"Like This." He said and pulled his head to the side to show how the bloody stump and skin were connected by a thread. That got me, I think I'm gonna be sick!

**Lesson number eight: never ask a ghost why they are called what they're called.**

There's the first full chapter!

So what do you guy's think?

Read and review!

~Dreaming.


	4. Chapter 4

Okay, so after I freaked out over Nearly Headless Nick.

**Lesson number nine: Do not scream at ghosts.**

Which only took a moment.

Where everyone was staring at me.

And the Slytherins were laughing, loudly.

I sat up and cast a weary glance around before chuckling slightly.

"I've never seen a ghost." I muttered before sticking a mouthful of something in my mouth. Whatever it was it was absolutely horrible, but if I spit it out now, I would look like a even bigger idiot.

**Lesson number ten: Remember in places like this ghosts are actually real.**

**Note to self number one: Avoid ghosts.**

Slowly everyone started talking again as the awkward silence passed. But I looked over and saw the idiots who turned my hair green. And glared at them. I resisted the urge to do something that was a hundred percent American, which meant flicking them off and shouting profanities, but I held it in. Until I put my hand under the table and silently told them to look. Then I shot them the bird.

They scowled and made several motions indicating I would pay for that.

**Lesson number eleven: Slytherins really don't like it when you flick them off.**

**Note to self number two: Avoid Slytherins for awhile.**

But that's just me. Pissing off the world, one person at a time.

No my morals weren't too high for that. I just want to finish my list before I go. Hey, I've been flicked off by a third-grader before. Only when I did it back nobody believed me when I said that he started it. Even though he did!

This happened a little more than three months ago.

I shook my head free of thoughts as Dumbledore said something else and the table cleared itself before tooth rotting sugar appeared, stacked several pieces thick.

Before I began too drool I grabbed what looked like a cookie in the shape of a piece of pie. I think it's called a scone.

I caught pieces of conversations around me.

Hermione was going over what she knew about the classes and such. Even the spells that were around. She seemed to have calmed down a bit and was coming out of "Fun Sucker Mode" –FSM for short- and relaxing a bit more. She knows a lot of cool things but when she gets wound up it's hard to stay friendly with her. Still, other than that, she's pretty cool.

I've already lost three debating sessions with her. The cool thing is apparently her parents are normal. Meaning no magic. I could only imagine their shock when she got a letter delivered by chicken. I mean _owl._

Man, these wizards are so picky about terms. If I want to call Midnight a chicken I will! If she doesn't peck me for it again.

But actually the two of us were able to start up a decent conversation, with out too much arguing over facts. Sad thing was, I tended to be wrong.

**Note to self number three: Don't get Hermione wound up with history lessons.**

The Weasley twins. Wow, I can barely tell which is which. The two introduce themselves as 'Fred and George' sometimes saying the other's name, or they call themselves 'Ged and Forge' or something like that. I can't tell what they say sometimes. They were currently plotting something. It sounded dangerous. Extremely dangerous. I think I may look into acquiring their help sometime in the near future.

**Note to self number four: Constantly remind self not to accept food from or anywhere near a pair of red headed twins.**

**Note to self number five: if I can't tell them apart don't accept anything from them.**

Ron. Well he is still interesting. And still eating. He was alternating between eating and talking to Harry about brooms? Are they planning on cleaning something?

I think it's cool to currently be the youngest in a school if people who believe they can do magic. I wish I had a large family. He's cool. He really doesn't seem to like having a bunch of siblings. But why do people insult the Weasleys for having a large family? It's cool!

Harry. Well, I don't get why everyone worships him. They say that 'You-Know-Who' did 'You-Know-What' to the 'You-Know-who's' with the 'You-Know-What'. I don't know how to fill in the blanks but I can guess that it's bad. But the ways I can fill that in, well lets not go there. Everyone stares at him, and it if didn't think it was so funny to watch him duck away, I would ask someone. He seems to have a bit more of a clue than I do. I can only guess that he had no clue about the school until recently, mostly because he only reacts a little better than I do.

**Lesson number twelve: Never ask wizards for a straight answer.**

Neville. Um, something nice to say. Well he has a way with words. Or lack there of. He just kind of sat there and stared at Harry.

**Lesson number thirteen: Know who you are sitting with before you do it.**

Percy. He acts a little stuck up, but he seems like someone you would want to have on your side.

_Professor _McGonagall. She's, um, well, don't annoy her.

_Professor_ Snape. Where's the nearest place to get a steak? And a cross? Holy Water? And the _hair_. Dear God did it just move!

Dumbledore. I think he's senile in all honesty. Total nut-job. But there's just something about him that makes it seem like you can trust him. It's kind of scary when you think about it.

Filtch. It's like he knows when you're thinking about him, and not in the good way. See he just looked over here!

Mrs. Norris. Fluffy! I had a kitty for awhile when I was little, but Mrs. Norris seems a little different. It's just strange, like she's not a brainless fur-ball with a fluffy tail. Even though she does have fluffy tail.

I was brought out of my musings when everyone quieted down, and Dumbledore began to speak. He said something about how "All first years are to follow their prefects to their dorms." What's a first ye- oh wait he means me.

**Note to self number six: Tuning out in a busy school full of magical beings with multiple ways to humiliate me in a second is really not a good idea.**

We got up as a nervous mass and exited through the set of large doors. Our group was led up more freezing cold marble stairs and through a few dimly lit hallways. When we turned the corner it was like the Earth opened up. Floors upon floors of stair cases were shifting angle to angle and place to place.

Looking on the wall I noticed several pictures that were MOVING! How cool is that. And their not like the little pictures that I brought along. You know the ones that when you move your head back and forth and back and forth and back and forth the image changes? Yeah, these were so much cooler. A few waved at me, and others looked really annoyed.

I must have been smiling like a maniac because Hermione so graciously took it upon herself to grab the tie I had tucked into my robe-dress-thing and drag me backwards up the steps. While I was a choking and flailing mass of idiocy, we managed to catch up with the group right before the stairs shifted.

**Lesson number fourteen: Never piss of Hermione.**

**Note to self number seven: Keep ties looser. **

Then led along more hallways. Which I was attempting to commit to memory as well as I could. The idea: Quick escape route.

But Percy the prefect stopped outside of a large painting of a rather husky lady with brown hair and a light pink Victorian style dress.

I jumped when the picture spoke in a very dolling voice, "Password please."

The prefect answered something sounding like, "Capot Draconius" I think I heard it wrong.

But then he announced that all of our things had been brought up for us, and gave us a quick instruction before sending us off to bed like a bunch of brats he was in charge of baby sitting.

I stayed and looked around for a moment as everyone rushed to their rooms.

The common room wasn't anything to fancy but it was kind of homey. Several chairs circled a small end table off to the side. A large couch was placed inform of the crackling fire. And a large nicely stained table was set off to the side, near a large window that had faint beams of moonlight sifting though and dragging on the floor.

When I looked back there was no one around. It's strange that I never notice those things, but then again I never really did. After a quick look around I headed back to the girls dormitory and found the bed that had my trunk set at the foot. How did I know? Well my trunk was the only one that had been hand painted by its owner. At first my did was a little mad, but he got over it quickly.

Quietly walking over to the trunk coated in various cartoon-ish characters and opening it I pulled out everything I would need that night, and then some. Such as the dark pink faux fur fuzzy blanket and multitude of stuffed animals that had been gifts from my friends before I left.

When we all thought I was going to a _normal _boarding school.

When my friend Julie asked me to send her back pictures of guys.

Even though she asked for a few details about those pictures that I do not want to mention more or less take. Oh and guess what! I just _happened _to forget my camera! Oops!

The next morning after a quick breakfast and shower I was dragged by Hermione to the first class. We were painfully early.

Apparently Hermione took it on to herself to make sure that I could keep up, and not have time to plan the list I was sure she didn't know about. The one I hope she didn't know about.

But somehow she seemed to already know where all the class rooms were, and the quickest way to get there.

See this is a good reason to have intelligent friends.

Now if I could get her to stop dragging me by the tie I would be good.

I think she's a little mad. But I think the tie with the bunnies carving pumpkins is cute. And it's not like they're waving the knives at you. No. wait. The one in the corner is waving the knife. And has this funny look on its face.

**Lesson number fifteen: Look at pictures on tie before wearing it. **

She let go of my tie and allowed my to shove it under the robe-dress thing.

Are they robes or dresses? I can't tell!

But we entered McGonagall's room and took a pair of seats. That just had to be extremely close to the front.

What is it with this girl and learning? She probably knows the whole curriculum from all the books she reads.

But it kind of makes me feel like I'm giving her a bit of a hard time. I mean, until this past summer I'm sure my dad didn't even know I could read. He literally fell out of his chair in shock when I picked up a book and began to thumb through it. I was insulted but then I remembered that I really didn't read when I was at home.

But then again there was a reason for that. It all started back before mom died.

When she first went in to the hospital my dad sent my brother and I to the park across the street while he talked to the doctors. My brother, who really had no clue, was ecstatic to go since we hadn't been in awhile. But while he was playing with a few people he recognized, I was glaring at the local plants. Specifically one of the lone flower bushes ten or so yards away.

After about twenty minutes of glaring I noticed the dry bush was beginning to smoke. I glared at it harder. Just willing it to keep going, to hopefully relive my possibly sadistic and amused frustration.

**Note to self number eight: go see therapist. **

Another ten minutes past before the bush burst into flames. After thinking that it was one of the coolest things in the world. It hit me.

Fire.

Fire in park.

I started a fire from thirty feet away.

Wow.

**Note to self number nine: Go see therapist, soon. Very soon.**

Then the fire department showed up.

And dad came out of the hospital.

He glanced at me, and I think he knew. Of course it wasn't the last time something like that happened.

In all honesty, I know I'm the reason we moved so quickly. He clearly hopped we would take after mom.

"_Wake up_." I glanced around, but couldn't see anything. The I realized my head was cradled in my arm ad my forehead on the table.

**Lesson number sixteen: Never fall asleep and **_**drool**_** on the desk in a magical class room.**

I sat up and saw quite a few people were in the room. Written on the board was an assignment that Hermione appeared to already have partially completed.

I pulled open one of my blank books, the ink well that I never seem to be able to open on the first few tries, and the quill that I almost always stab my fingers on when reaching for it.

I should start bringing my bag with me. That would help a lot at the rate I'm dropping things.

Scribbling down a few notes that I hopped would satisfy what needed to be there until the teacher came in. It was then that I looked up on the desk.

On McGonagall's desk was a steel grey tabby cat. But it was like Mrs. Norris. The eyes were different from normal cats are, they locked on me for a second and I could have sworn the fur-ball smirked.

Suddenly Ron and Harry rushed in, panting like dogs. And saying something about 'luck' and 'not being late'.

**Note to self number ten: Never be late to class.**

That was until the cat jumped off the desk and actually phased into McGonagall. Awesome.

Apparently Ron thought so too and expressed it as, "That was bloody brilliant."

And with that the two got on her good side, as she sent them briskly to their seats.

McGonagall droned on for a while before it was time to switch classes.

Hermione muttered something about 'Snape'.

Is that the next teacher. I am so screwed.

Okay, not my best chapter but I had gotten a few PM's saying that Riley was really shallow. And I'm trying my best this one time just to show she's not shallow _all_ the time, just kind of dense.

There will be times when Riley will be extremely shallow. But that's more of her just being blunt and not thinking about what she says. Which tends to happen a lot.

And the fire thing, before anyone says anything abut her having "Super Powers", it's not like she looks at it and the object bursts into flames. if you notice she was glareing at the bush for almost half an hour. It was something suggested by a friend, and i want to try it out, but if it ends up ust being stupid i might take it out. The whole thing was more for a referance to a few inside jokes.

Well, tell me what rules or lessons you want to see an I'll try to put them in here.

~Dreaming


	5. Chapter 5

Snape flew into the room like Dracula fleeing from sunlight.

For a moment I thought that's what he actually was doing.

**Note to self number eleven: See if Snape is vampire.**

**Note to self number twelve: Or just vampire wannabe**

**Note to self number thirteen: Stay away in case of STD.**

Before the doors were even starting to close he was talking like he was the master of all.

"There will be no foolish wand waving or silly incantations in this class," He paused at the font corner of his room, "as such I don't expect many of you to appreciate the sudden science or exact art that is potion making,"

Here he started getting all dramatic with his 'I-am-so-all-powerful-that-you-must-bow-to-my-will-and-if-you-do-not-I-will-scorn-your-name-in-front-of-people-you-don't-know-and-then-I-will-go-home-to-my-cat-Mrs.-fuzzy-woozy-bumpkins-and-tell-him-about-how-much-I-am-dieing-on-the-inside-before-getting-my-bunny-slippers-and-sitting-in-front-of-the-fire-reading-emo-poetry-and…'

I'm sorry I got a little off topic, you know just a _little bit_.

Snape dramatically paused.

**Lesson number seventeen: Never get super creepy teacher mono-logging.**

He started up again, this time looking at Draco Rat-Boy, who immediately inflated under the non existent praise.

You know, Rat-Boy is a cute kid.

What the hell am I saying? He's an ass!

Damn you non existent hormones.

**Note to self number fourteen: Guys are allowed to be cute until they say something.**

**Lesson number eighteen: Guys are allowed to be cute until they say something. (I had to make it official)**

Greasy Hair started talking again.

"However for those select few who possess the predisposition, I can teach you how to bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses, I can tell you to how to bottle brew, bottle fame even put a stopper in death. Then again maybe some of you have come to Hogwarts," here he looked at Harry.

How could Harry have pissed him off already? Even I haven't done that…._yet._

**Note to self number fifteen: Find an original way to piss off Snape.**

But how can he just keep going on and on and on and on and on and on and on and…..

Sorry, now back to the droning weirdo.

"With ability so formidable as to not pay attention. Mr. Potter our new celebrity." Oh god some one was about to get chewed out.

I wonder who.

I looked down the row of seats. I was on Ron's left, he was next to Hermione, and then it was Harry.

Yes I had managed to shove Ron in between us with the claim that I felt they should 'bond as friends' they both blushed.

After the list is mostly done it looks like I can have a little fun

Or blackmail.

Okay, now back to the freak.

No, not me. I'm not at that level, nor will I be any time soon.

**Note to self number sixteen: clarify directions.**

Snape was asking all these questions that no one –not even his _precious _Slytherins- but Hermione could answer.

I just made a teacher that I would be stuck with all year sound like a child molester.

Great.

That is just absolutely completely utterly extremely unconditionally _great_.

I came here to freak out others _not_ myself.

Although.

Man, now I'm going to have freaky nightmares for weeks.

**  
Lesson number nineteen: Never think things about teachers. Be they complements or insults.**

Freaky Greasy Hair was still lecturing.

It's weird normally when people move their hair shifts, of just kinda bounces. But the more he moved the more it stayed in place.

Do you think it's real?

Or maybe he uses so much hair gel that it's rock solid. Maybe I could….that would be so awesome.

**Note to self number seventeen: drop brick on Snape's hair-thing.**

Okay, so it's not all that original, but it _will_ piss him off.

But…

Oh!

Wait, isn't hair gel flammable?

Do you think it will burn better or worse than the native New-York plant life?

**Note to self number eighteen: I really should go see a therapist.**

But if it doesn't burn then it might harden to a point where his has to shave it off. That would be so totally awesome.

While Snape was still lecturing Harry I settled down and propped my chin on closed fists. The second he entered my line of vision I proceeded to glare at the hair-thing-I-don't-know-what, willing it to burst in to flames.

**Note to self number nineteen: Are they sending the therapist yet?**

So about five minutes into it he turned around and glared twice as hard at me.

I kinda think he might of known what I was trying to do.

He didn't say anything but gave me a look that clearly said "you're on my list."

Ha! I've already pissed off Snape! I think.

When Snape turned around and I caught a glimpse of smoke and the smell of burnt hair.

In your face! Erm, uh, Jerk-face!

I gagged.

Not just from the absolute lameness of my sucky comeback.

But also from the smell of burnt hair-thing wafting my way.

**Lesson number twenty: Never set Snape's hair on fire.**

**Lesson number twenty-one: Or any teacher's hair in fire. (It smells bad)**

**Lesson number twenty-two: Just don't such teachers on fire.**

At this rate I could be part pf the Spanish Inquisition.

I think I have my gloves in the bottom of my trunk.

Okay, so Snape's class could have gone better. But I've got several ideas about how to humiliate him.

But they all require a little help from an outside source.

Back to the drawing board.

I looked around the table. Everyone was doing some type of homework or project.

Oh, what was I doing you ask?

I was doodling smiley faces.

See that one looked kinda like he was mad, then the other one looked like it was going laugh, then the other one looked like it didn't want to even be there. And I drew pictures of the bunnies from my tie! See that one down there looked like it was angry; it's also the one waving the knife! Isn't it so cute!

I love bunnies.

**Note to self number twenty: stop drawing bunnies on homework.**

A few seats down, Shamus was doing some spell on a goblet of water.

I have absolutely no idea what he was trying to do. But didn't something like this happen earlier.

"What's Shamus trying to do to that water?" Harry asked Ron.

"He's trying to turn it into rum." Red replied. No, I'm not insulting Ron, when I either get along with someone, hate their guts or just don't know their names, I give them nicknames. So far Red is a friend.

But still water into rum! How awesome is that! If it works, I want the spell.

"He managed to make tea yesterday before it…" before Red could finish his sentence there was a loud 'BANG'.

**Lesson number twenty-three: Water does no equal instant rum.**

**Lesson number twenty-four: When first years in their first week do the spell.**

I think it might have exploded. Too bad.

I wonder if magical rum is any better than regular.

Then the coolest thing happened.

Even through I would have like to see that rum.

**Note to self number twenty-one: do self alcoholic evaluation. **

It was like, like, _total_ chickenpalooza!

They all flew in through several windows and dropped packages down into awaiting hands.

Several people got small packages, but I got a letter. I think it can wait.

Ron got a newspaper and a small letter. He didn't look all that pleased to see it.

But Neville got a small package, when he opened it he pulled out a snow globe thing.

Did Lee call it a Rememball?

Hermione looked up, her eyes wide, "I've read about those, the smoke turns red when you've forgotten something."

"The only problem is," Neville started, "Is I can't remember what I've forgotten."

**Lesson number twenty-five: Rememball. Good or useless.**

**Note to self number twenty-two: Rememball leaning towards useless. Unless it's a paper weight.**

**Note to self number twenty-three: Or if dropped on Snape's head.**

Harry opened up the paper and read the cover story for a moment before getting Ron's attention and reading aloud, "believed to be the work of dark wizards or witches unknown, Gringotts goblins, while acknowledging the breach insist nothing was taken, the vault in question, number 713, had in fact been emptied earlier that very same day." Here Harry paused.

I glanced around; every person around us was listening.

Red was completely engrossed in the story and Hermione was doing the shifty eye thing that meant she was thinking everything through, using some kind of logic that no one else would understand.

Yes, I know, she is just that smart.

Harry started speaking again, "That's odd that's the vault Hagrid and I went to."

By now you could practically hear the gears turning in Hermione's head.

It was going to be a long night when she decided to tell us what was going on.

Wait? Didn't we have flying lessons next?

Aright, I'm sorry for the short chapter but I cut my palm really bad. And since this is the only story I don't already have a few extra chapters ready for, I haven't been able to type.

Until the gash heals I'm going to be typing slowly, but I'll try to give you guy's a longer chapter next time...

Till then.

Over and out!

~Dreaming.


	6. Chapter 6

**Alright guys, I'm back! okay I know it's been awhile but I had cut my hand open really bad and unless I wanted to pull the stitches out I couldn't type. On my other story I had a few chapters already typed and ready to go. **

**The stitches were bothering me so we got them taken out, but I still can't type very well with out agitating the gash so for about another week I will be slow.**

**Alright, here we go for the next chapter!**

You know what I've learned about Wizards and Witches –Which I have come to call Lizards and Bit- um, Finches, you know like the birds- they are insane.

I mean completely and utterly insane!

The teacher had us get a _stick _with some hay tied to the end and place it by our feet!

Yeah woo hoo! Because I can stand next to a stick I'm flying!

No I don't actually think I'm flying!

Alright, I'm sorry, I'm a little mad. Rat-Boy keeps sneering at me and insulting Red for the large family and talking about Thing-One and Thing-Two, then he turns around and insults Brain-Girl!

**Note to self number twenty-four: Explain nicknames**

Alright so I don't lose you guys, I have already given quite a few people nicknames.

People I see as friends (or at least good people who I want to be friends with)

**Red – **Ron. Duh!

**Thing-One - **Fred

**Thing-Two (Or Thing-A for those of you having a hiss fit) – **George

**Brain-Girl a.k.a. B-G (if she gets mad I'll probably change it)** – Hermione

**Danger Prone – **Neville.

People on my list. The bad one list, not the fun or favorite ones.

**Rat-Boy- **Draco

**Greasy Hair- **Snape

**Crab and Who's It. – **they don't need nicknames.

Okay, so there's probably a few of you who are asking why I've made friends/ not-friends with some people.

First. Hermione's smart. When she steps off the soapbox she can be good conversation. Plus she's smart! Who else is going to explain why I shouldn't put toxic substances in Rat-Boy's drink…..yet again.

Second. Ron, George, and Fred. Does this need to be explained? Weasley's are awesome, 'nuf said.

I haven't talked to Harry all that much. And every nickname I've come up with doesn't fit.

I really need to work on that.

And Neville, I know him, he's more on the 'doesn't want to kill me' list. And do I have to explain the name?

Now, the not-friend list.

Rat-Boy is an ass. There! And his lackeys are creepy! What are they? Some kind of _threesome_! And yes I do mean it _that_ way.

And stupid Dracula wannabe! Like he could hold a candle to the bloodsucker! He's just a jerk!

Wow. Who knew insanely ranting to yourself could make you feel better?

**Lesson Number twenty-six: Therapists to **_**not **_**make everything all better, no matter what that tiny shred of insanity will always be there to comfort you in your time of need.**

Alright, so back to the not-so-flying-lessons, _Madame _who's-it-or-other, um, what's her name again? B-G gave me a fifteen minute lecture about 'the history of flying.' Which I thought was total bul—um, I thought it was nonsense.

I'll admit it, I need to work on my mouth. The good ol' NY does give you a vocabulary with the colors of the rainbow.

Now do you realize I have been stringing you along with absolutely noting for almost five hundred words? Go Randomness!

Okay, back to the twisted sense of reality where the grey haired teacher was quickly walking down the line, her voice projected to everyone in the area, I briefly noted several birds flying away, "Stick your right hand over the broom," Here she demonstrated it, "then say 'up'."

She wanted us to tell the broom to get up. What did I tell you, they are all insane.

I noticed that when a few people did it the stick twitched. Did it actually work? Or were they just playing us for entertainment?

I stood there for a moment; Harry's was the first up. It literally jumped up off the ground!

A few more of them jumped up.

I held my hand out with more than a little sense of doubt, "up."

Nothing.

Ron almost got it. Sort of. It hit him in the face. Ouch.

"Up."

Twitch. It Twitched!

_Cool_.

No, wait that was the wind.

**Note to self number twenty-five: Check before celebrating clearly hollow victory.**

"Up."

Nothing.

Stupid stick. Knew it wouldn't work.

I glanced down the line, several people were doing it.

I know Rat-boy's was second. Several people made theirs jump.

If Rat-Boy can do it, why can't I?

I held my hand out again, "UP."

Nothing.

"UP!"

Stupid stick.

Hermione was having a hard time with it.

Mrs. Hooch (Is that even her name?) looked around before announcing quietly "Say it with feeling!"

Oh yeah because that will _so _help! You people have me talking to a stick!

"UP!"

"_UP!"_

"_UP!_ DAMN YOU! _UP!"_ several people turned to look, but didn't think much of it when they saw it was me.

**Lesson number twenty-seven: First impressions do count when you want people to think you are sane.**

I, on the other hand, was looking at the stick that was hovering several inches above the ground.

_Sweet_.

Before I could blink the broom hovered a few inches higher before whipping around and slamming into the back of my knees.

I got a mouthful of dirt.

Stupid stick.

**Lesson number twenty-eight: Watch language.**

Alright, it took some time but eventually I –and everyone else- got the sticks off the ground.

At this point Miss. Hooch went off with her _instruction,_ "Now once you've got hold of your broom, I want you to mount it. Grip it tight. We don't want you falling off the end."

So caring isn't she?

"When I blow my whistle I want each of you to kick off the ground –hard-, hover for a moment, lean forward and touch back down."

Okay, sounds easy. I swung my leg over the stick.

All I had to do was push off and…

Damn, stupid thing's backwards.

Okay, just because Rat-Boy can do something doesn't mean I can.

**Note to self number twenty-six: Forget brooms, airplanes were made for more than the reason of most people not being able to fly.**

She blew the whistle.

Getting off the broom and throwing my leg over the other way I caught sight of Neville hovering a bit off the ground.

I remember this old saying, "If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?"

Let's see, if Rat-Boy jumped off a bridge would I jump too?

Um, NO!

I'd be the one who pushed him.

**Note to self number twenty-seven: Leave the insanity in the dorm when you go out to play with morons.**

Okay, no longer focusing on my possibly psychotic fancies that involve murder…

So, I looked around after several more failed attempts to notice Neville actually floating!

No it's not all that amazing, but it was _Neville. _And nothing was going wrong!

Never mind.

I watched as he floated up and up and up and up and up…

**Lesson number twenty-nine: learn more words.**

Before he took off like a rocket, swerving out of control around the castle grounds.

Danger-Prone strikes again.

He swerved back around until he was heading in our general direction. It looked like he would never stop, until he flew straight into a statue, his robe-dress-thing getting caught on one of the sharp points

He dangled there for a moment, a few of the girls screamed.

**Lesson number thirty: Earplugs.**

We all watched on as he dropped down and literally bounced down the building until he landed on the ground with a sickening crunch.

Everyone crowded around him while Miss-who's-it shoved through the crowd and went to check on Neville. His wrist was twisted at this strange angle, it looked totally unnatural!

I mean, it looked broken.

Oh, wait, the sickening crunch.

Damn, it was broken.

_Awesome_.

**Note to self number twenty-eight: Mental evaluation is priority until further notice.**

Do you know the cool casts you get with broken wrists!

I've broken each wrist at least once, and even though I tend to get annoyed and glare at the casts until they set on fire, but they're cool for awhile.

Okay, so putting out a burning cast is _not_ cool, but can you blame me?

**Lesson number thirty-one: Burning things maybe what you call 'cool' but there is noting **_**cool **_**about it. Fire is hot, paper burns at 451 degrees so chances are it's hotter than that.**

I mean, the grape I was playing with rolled down there, then the straw I tried to get it out with popped the grape, _then_ the fork got stuck. And when banging it against the wall to get the grape AND the fork out, hurt like Hell, because I was hitting it against the WALL.

Then the janitor at the hospital –because dad said we had to get the grape out some how, and the fork _really_ wasn't _helping_- let me borrow the industrial strength vacuum cleaner that was bigger than I was, so when I sat on it and turned it on –hoping just to use the Tube-Sucky-Thing – the vacuum took off down the hall (with me holding on for my life) and into the elevator just as it closed and descended three floors. At which time I was slammed into the doors.

So when the elevator finally opened…

I had a destroyed nearly five hundred dollars of electrical equipment.

Dented the elevator.

Disturbed the patients.

Missed my doctor appointment.

Bent the fork.

And the grape was starting to smell!

**Note to self number twenty-eight: Seriously therapist? Where are you?**

Well, enough of my hospital mishaps.

So Danger Prone was taken to the "Nurses Office" or I think it was _Madame_ Pomfrey's, or something like that.

We were left with the strict instructions NOT TO get on the brooms.

That even _I_ knew would be smart to listen to!

Unfortunately Rat-Boy and Harry weren't very good listeners.

**Lesson number thirty-two: Boys are morons.**

**Lesson number thirty-three: Yes, even the cute ones.**

**Note to self number twenty-nine: NO I DO NOT MEAN RAT-BOY!**

They went all out on this Pre-Testosterone fest. I mean, Rat-Boy picked up Neville's Remem-whose-it.

Before turning to address the group as if he was the ruler of all.

"Did you see his face? Maybe it the fat lub had given this a squeeze, he'd have remembered to fall on his fat ass."

A few people laughed.

Harry stepped up, "Give it here Malfoy."

Malfoy arched an eyebrow. "No, I think I'll leave it somewhere for Longbottom to find. How about on the roof." Here he stepped on his broom and swirled around the ground before throwing his leg over and mounting in mid-air. He floated up several stories before calling down, "What's the matter Potter? Bit beyond your reach?"

Hermione, being the only sensible one, -seeing as I was already betting with a few of the Slytherins and the occasional Gryffindor that Malfoy was going to end up looking like an idiot,- looked hard at Harry when he stepped up to take Rat-Boy's challenge.

"Harry, no way, you heard what Madame Hooch said! Besides you don't even know how to fly!"

But that didn't stop him, he swung a leg over the broom and took off to meet Malfoy in mid air.

This is gonna be awesome!

Hermione muttered darkly to the ground, "Moron."

I completely agreed.

Then upped the stakes on my betting.

**Lesson number thirty-four: Boys are without a doubt idiots.**

I mentally counted the Spanish coins I was going to earn.

**Lesson number thirty-five: But they do bet more than the girls.**

So while their up there zipping around like flies caught in a tornado, Hermione is freaking out about the rules – if she does this every time she gets stressed I swear…- Ron was cheering Harry on – along with the rest of the Gryffindors- and I was wishing I had my pocket knife.

I wonder if I could hit Rat-Boy from down here.

Well, there is a big rock just sitting right there…

Nah, too many witnesses.

I tapped the rock with my shoe.

It was right there…

Not worth it.

I tapped the rock again.

Still there………

No! Murder is not the answer. Violence maybe. Revenge definitely.

**Note to self number thirty: I don't think a therapist could help at this point.**

I looked up. The two were just floating up there lie a pair of demented mosquitoes.

This was going no where.

I tapped the rock again.

Maybe if I could knock Rat-Boy off the stick…

No, the fall would _most likely_ kill him.

I mean they're, what, at least a hundred feet up. And the human body can only take so much gravity in a fall.

**Lesson number thirty-six: What goes up must come down. **

Gravity is like 9.8 meters per second of flight time.

The average ten year old weights, what, seventy pounds tops?

9.8 multiplied by 70 is….

Okay, I can't do that in my head but it would probably leave a crater.

**Note to self number thirty-one: Math class maybe boring, but it is needed when calculating stupidity.**

I looked up when a few people gasped, Rat-Boy dropped the Remem-whose-it-what-not!

The thing was falling fast.

Harry swooped down into a suicide dive. Nearly doubling the rate he was dropping.

_Sweet._

The guys cheered.

The girls screamed.

And I wondered what the Hell was going on.

Barely a second before the small orb smashed into what would have been several billion pieces, Harry caught it and pulled up.

Then madam McGoogles –as I have come to call her- came out. McGonagall really didn't look all that happy. But there was this twinkle eye things that Dumbledore had.

Great is she possibly senile too!

She went into this whole safety rant but then her face broke into a smile. Harry was so off the hook.

Or well, that's what I thought until she began to lead him down the stone hallway.

Okay, so Harry's _not_ off the hook.

But, I've got Harry's nickname: Trouble-Magnet.

Heh, I'm still brain storming, but the little sign in there saying 'For Rent' really doesn't help my desperate situation.

Red started mentioning something about a Seeker.

What the Hell's a Seeker?

Better yet, what the Hell is Quidditch?

Now, this chapter wasn't so long, because I'm at a bit of a rough spot and need to re-watch the movie- that my cousin owns. But, I'm not giving this up, I'm having too much fun. So my already unpredictable updates will be a bit more unpredictable. I mean, two weeks is a long time for me not to update something. 

So I'm going to get as much done on my other story to get that out of the way, before switching back over to this for awhile. But my updates maybe slow until I finish my other stuff. 

Apparently I am not able to multitask.

So next few chapters will me longer and spaced more apart.

But I got a message asking if I would keep this going though out all of Harry's years at Hogwarts. Do you really think I should do that. I mean I've seen the first three movies and have at least read the fourth and fifth books…

I mean, I could try. But I would need a few suggestions…

Stuff like….

Should I keep up Riley's sarcastic comments, or let her grow out of most of them?

Will she ever stop hating Draco?

The Glaring thing, although it is funny at times, she comes off as possibly psychotic.

Or are there any comments or scenes that you really want to see in this current story, and possibly next on if I keep going?

But seriously tell me if you want me to keep going after this one.

I'll try to update as soon as I can.

Oh, and before I forget, one of my friends made a picture of Riley for me and I think it's really cute, I'll have the link up in my profile soon.

~Dreaming. 

Okay, I fixed this chapter because it was just bugging me. My next update will probably tomorrow morning if not later tonight.


	7. Chapter 7

Okay, guys I have some good news and bad news.

Good news is that I will continue writing on Fanfiction.

Bad news is I need a break for a bit.

My cat was run over by my neighbor. The fully grown man was crying harder than I was.

My two finches died side by side.

My grandfather's Liver is failing. He hadn't told anyone.

My Uncle is doing drugs as a way to cope with his nightmares from war.

Both of my great-grandmothers recently passed away. One from heart problems the other from old age.

My uncle was killed by a tractor trailer.

Another was killed by a stroke.

And so on.

But I'll be back in a few weeks when everything passes. But until then I've probably got a few plot twists I can plan out for you guys.

~Dreaming.


End file.
